Why am I asking? Well because I know it does for me. Do you feel stuck with a project, course assignment or making progress on a bigger life goal? Do you find yourself not doing anything at all, procrastinating despite all those ‘shoulds’ in your head? Do you withdraw into yourself and push those goals and desires somewhere deep inside? Are you always looking for distractions, small or large, to avoid getting on with that thing? All the time with a sort of sad unfulfilled and maybe frustrated with yourself feeling that keeps popping back up?
Or on the flip side are you a constant overachiever? Everything you do has to be of the highest standard and no one's standards are higher than your own? You put in over and above in terms of time and effort? You can’t bear to share your work with anyone unless it feels completely perfect, and it rarely feels that because there’s always some tweaking to do? Or there’s someone else’s work you think is better? Or it feels so intensely personal to share your work with anyone it’s painful to do with anyone who will be less than 100% supportive? Or if you’re like me, that doesn’t really cut it when it comes to it because you know they would say that whatever you presented them with, somehow they aren’t the approval you desperately want but are afraid to seek out?
Although there might be some additional things going on in the above scenarios, surprisingly, perfectionism could be at the route of procrastination, creative blocks, overworking, self sabotaging behaviours, fierce self-criticism and fears over sharing your work with others or in public. I can tell you that all of the above have played a part in my own creative education, endeavours, projects and ambitions. Creativity has always been very much part of my make-up. I remember aged ten deciding I wanted to go to Art School, without really knowing what that was. And yet, I can admit to having a challenging and sometimes tortuous and not at all healthy relationship with my own creativity and as creativity is part of the core of who I am, that has of course been problematic.
The thing is, although I recognised perfectionism in my younger self, I thought I was over it until recently I started to witness where it was still very much in charge of a lot of my thoughts, feelings and behaviours around creative practice, perceived failures and abruptly ended projects and in my life in general. I hadn’t joined up all the dots!
So what is perfectionism and where does it come from? This is my own personal perspective that I have pieced together through experience and acquired knowledge. Perfectionism develops as a way of managing the world and relationships in early childhood. It is an attachment style where we have ‘learned’ that there is safety and love, acceptance and approval in doing something really well. The inner perfectionist can manage different parts of your life, one place mine shows up is in creativity. It is ultimately a way of managing a deep insecurity about not being ‘good enough’ and the anxiety that goes with that. The difficulty here is because this is a pattern we imbued so young, whilst we were developing and learning how the world works, it is largely unconscious and we don’t recognise where it is causing us problems and difficulties.
Perfectionism is a tricky thing to untangle yourself from. It is a trait that is often rewarded and reinforced throughout education, work and in society. That’s when it manifests as doing really good school work, having the ‘right’ appearance, achieving in education and in work, always having high standards, being consistent, reliable, conscientious. Of course there is a positive side to those things but not when that same ‘perfectionist’ drive is coming from a place within of not feeling good enough, needing external validation and creating those inner torments that leave us stuck in life and battling anxiety and low mood. I think the perfectionist is doubly cruel when it leaves people unable to achieve and completely stuck. They then face all the negative judgement from others and themselves about not being able to meet external and more painfully, internal expectations. Their intention of doing things perfectly goes unseen and misunderstood and painfully that underlying belief of being not ‘good enough’ gets reinforced.
So what can you do about it? I don’t claim to have all the answers but these are a few things you could try for perfectionism in creativity. Something I’ve found helpful is to think of creativity in a different way. I mostly discovered this through studying Art Therapy where art and creativity is a route to self expression, of processing emotions with the emphasis on process, not on any aesthetic value judgements on the outcomes. Seeing creativity as inherently valuable in its own right is a more spiritual way of relating to it. Acknowledging that your work may have value to other people that you may not see in it yourself. Allowing yourself to create and then detach from the responses of others when it’s out in the world. Knowing that your inherent value isn’t determined by any one thing you have created. This one from my sister; remember the whole process of creativity is a bit of a mystery anyway!
Things that may help you
Try creating in ways where there is no pressure to produce a certain outcome or product.
Focus on the process of creating rather than the outcomes.
Allow yourself to be in the feeling of ‘flow’ (that state where you are both focused and relaxed and completely absorbed in what you are doing).
Release any attachments and expectations about outcomes, especially unrealistic ones.
Allow yourself to create without self judgement and criticism
Create for personal enjoyment and self expression
Try working spontaneously, without too much planning, and connect to your intuition.
Try something new where you have less expectations and judgements about how it should be done or your level of ability.
Allow yourself to create ‘bad’ stuff, make ‘mistakes’ and fail. Know that it’s all part of the process.
If you feel able to share work, and don’t force it if it feels too vulnerable - work towards it, release any attachments and expectations about how it might be received.
Know that the reactions of others are not a reflection of your inherent worth, or the value of your work - whether responses are good, bad or absent.
Avoid making comparisons with other peoples’ work.
If you are having severe difficulties with perfectionism, attachment, anxiety or depression, I would recommend seeking professional support.
Amie Wiberley - Artist, Designer, Creative, Mentor, www.amiewiberley.co.uk