Fatigue is a sign
Fatigue is a sign of healing
Fatigue is a sign of depression
Fatigue is a sign of exhaustion and illness
Fatigue is a sign of confusion and change
Fatigue is a sign of resistance and blocks
Of loneliness and being lost.
Fatigue is a sign of procrastination
Fatigue is a sign of pain, of too much for too long
Fatigue is a sign of over-giving, overdoing, anxiety, overload, overwhelm
Fatigue is a sign of mismatch between where you are and where you want to be
Of inner wounds and unmet needs
and hopeless dreams.
Fatigue is a place of repression, of loss and grief,
Fatigue is a place of hiding,
Fatigue is a place of not knowing what you want or who you are
Fatigue is a place of stagnation, frustration, sabotage, longing
A forced pause
Fatigue is a place of protection
Fatigue is a place of peace.
Fatigue is a place of rest and quiet
Fatigue is a place of awakening and growth,
Fatigue is a place of acceptance, communion, renewal.
Of recalibration and regeneration.
A liminal space.
Fatigue is a place of healing.
Poetry is not usually my thing but every now and then words come to me and I write them down and then try to make sense of them. I wrote this a few weeks ago when I was experiencing what could have been a relapse of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS). I’ve experienced ME/CFS for almost eight years now, so I thought I knew the deal with this. I'm not new to experiencing fatigue, but somehow this had a different feel to it. I think the exhaustion I was feeling had other routes to it this time, perhaps some emotional and physical burnout.
At first I felt all the usual frustration that accompanies this kind of fatigue but then I started to think about fatigue as a place of healing. After all, what happens to us when we are ill? The body gets tired, we are forced to rest until we recover. Whilst we sleep, whilst we rest, the body and mind (all being well) goes through a process of recovery, regeneration and healing.
I started to think about allowing the fatigue; not fighting and resisting it. Allowing it to be there. Accommodating it with extra rest. Allowing myself to go through whatever was needing to be processed. Accepting, allowing, resting and waiting to feel better.
Could I think of this fatigue as some healing and recovery that needed to happen and be patient until I was through to the other side?
Well patience can be a big ask and of course emotions like frustration, grief and impatience came up for me. But this reframe was helpful in giving me a different perspective and not spiralling into fear that my health was much worse and going into relapse. It encouraged me to rest rather than always pushing through.
The healing process isn’t linear, sometimes there are steps backwards, and it’s not always easy to see and experience those setbacks with perspective.
I’m not minimising the difficulties of a journey through long term and extreme fatigue, or a chronic illness such as ME/CFS, nor am I suggesting that such things can be cured by simply resting. If only it was that easy! Long term chronic illness or the experience of exhaustion and burnout can be dark night of the soul stuff; there is loss and grief and frustration, loss of identity and self, loss of the life you had and the life you thought you should have. Sometimes we can get lost in the challenges and the difficult emotions.
Perhaps it is helpful sometimes, instead of focusing on the difficulties of extreme fatigue and exhaustion, to ask,
‘What is this trying to tell me?’
What message does it have for me?’
Maybe that message is, you have gone through a lot, and you need time out to heal.
Perhaps healing, regeneration and transformation can take place in the space that fatigue creates.
I hope so.
Amie is a textile artist and holistic and creativity coach. Find out more at www.amiewiberley.co.uk. Sign up to the mailing list here.